American States

20 (Suspicious and Somewhat Useless) Facts About Wisconsin
Unofficial Motto: "14% Easier To Get Into Than Czechoslovakia"

1

Official Motto: “Forward”

2

Unofficial Motto: “14% Easier To Get Into Than Czechoslovakia

3

Wisconsin has 7,446 streams and rivers. Placed end to end, they would stretch a lot farther than whatever Minnesota has, you can bet that.

4

Wisconsin has a professional football team. If we say the name here, the comments section will melt into a pool of Velveeta-like tailgating football fervor.

5

The House on the Rock was designed and built in the 1940’s, and houses over 244 dead tourists trapped in the Infinity Room.

6

Wisconsin is nicknamed the Badger State because the Least Weasel showed up late for the auditions.

7

The first practical typewriter was built in Milwaukee in 1867. The last impractical typewriter is in the trash next to it.

8

The Ginseng Capitol of the world is in Wausau. Ginseng is a spice. It’s not really a very popular spice, so you might not be familiar with it. *sigh* Have we told you about the Mustard Museum in Mount Horeb yet?

9

The American Birkebeiner, a cross-country ski race between Cable and Hayward, is the funniest name for any race ever.

10

There are 15,210 miles of groomed snowmobile trails along Wisconsin highways. Coincidentally, Wisconsin highway workers pick up 15,210 miles of beer cans every spring.

11

Mount Horeb is considered the Troll Capital of the World and is also home to the Mustard Museum. We take back what we said about Wausau.

12

The original Barbie doll was given the fictional hometown of Willows, Wisconsin. Willows also contains 13 fictional Pink Corvette dealerships, 36 fictional tiny plastic shoe shops, and a fictional bowling alley for Ken to sulk in when he turned 40.

13

Bloomer is the Jump Rope Capital of the world. Note to Bloomer: change name to “Jump Rope” and become the Bloomer Capital of the world.

14

The state’s constitution is the oldest of any state west of the Allegheny Mountains, but please do not mention this fact in its presence as it is very sensitive about its age.

15

Green Bay is the Toilet Paper Capital of the World. [INSERT PACKERS JOKE HERE].

16

The lowest temperature ever recorded in Wisconsin was -55 degrees on February 2nd and 4th in 1996. On February 3 it was 68 degrees, and mostly sunny with a slight chance of rain.

17

The Wood Violet is the state flower, but it is illegal to pick it. Violators are dressed in a Bears jersey, smeared with blue and orange paint, and dropped off in downtown Green Bay where they have to yell “Bart Starr is very un-masculine!” three times.

18

From 1935 to 1937 state law in Wisconsin required restaurants to serve 2/3 ounces of Wisconsin butter and 2/3 ounces of Wisconsin cheese with every meal. In 1938, every 2/3 ounce scale manufacturer in Wisconsin went out of business.

19

The name Wisconsin is most likely derived from an Algonquian word, “Ouisconsin,” that means “head of cheese,” or “gathering of the cheese heads.”

20

The state beverage is, as you have probably already guessed, beer. No – wait, what? It’s milk? Okay, so apparently it’s milk, but still, it took an official legislative act in 1987 to make it so.

20 (Suspicious Yet Mildly Useful) Facts About Iowa
Unofficial Motto: "Not Being Nebraska Since 1846."

Iowa: the very name for most conjures up visions of fields of potatoes or the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, which is stupid because I said Iowa, not Idaho or Ohio. That’s the kind of respect this midwestern state generally gets, but, in order to help set the record straight, here are 20 facts about Iowa you probably didn’t know.

1

Official Motto: “Our Liberties We Prize And Our Rights We Will Maintain.”

2

Unofficial Motto: “Not Being Nebraska Since 1846.”

3

State Insect: “Those Gnats You Get Around Late May That Drive You Crazy When You’re Playing Right Field And They Keep Flying In Your Ear”.

4

The Official Song of Iowa is, um… “The Song of Iowa“. It is sung to the tune of “O Christmas Tree”, so every time it is sung, everyone thinks of “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

Fudge on a Stick

5

Iowa derives its name from the French word aiouez (loose translation: “On A Stick”)This was itself taken from the word ayuxbe, used by other tribes to describe the Native American Bah-kho-je people that occupied the state at the time, who apparently would only eat raccoon, possum, and rabbit after impaling them on twigs or branches and dunking them in hot peanut oil.

6

Iowa, rightfully known as the “Corn State”, produces more corn (2.36 billion bushels, or 83.072 billion liters, or 4.5 trillion board feet, or about 15 furlongs) than any other state. Nebraska, known as the “Cornhusker State”, apparently only produces the husks.

7

Iowa’s average yearly temperature is 60.8 degrees, which exists for 12.5 minutes on a Tuesday in early May.

8

Iowa’s main import is, of course, presidential campaign TV advertising money that flows in during the Iowa Caucuses. This is mostly offset, however, by a large uptick in electronics expenditures as Iowans, always proud to exercise both their right to free speech and carry arms, eventually murder their TVs.

Honey Boo Boo

9

The Honey War” was a bloodless territorial dispute in the 1830s between Iowa and Missouri over the broadcasting rights of the reality show “Here Comes Honey-Boo-Boo” across state lines, and as a result, determined the boundary line between the two states. It was ultimately decided by the United States Supreme Court in Iowa’s favor, providing Iowa a nearly 30-mile bend in southeast Iowa that is now blocked by the FCC from viewing absurd reality TV.

10

The Science Center of Iowa contains the only fully functional clear toilet in the Northern Hemisphere. Needless to say, no one ever goes to the Science Center of Iowa.

11

Iowa holds the record for the World’s Heaviest Pigeon at 2 lbs., 6 oz. Iowa also holds the record for the World’s Dirtiest Statue.

Grape Ape

12

The Great Ape Trust” of Iowa is a Des Moines research facility that studies the cognitive and communicative capabilities of bonobos and orangutans. “The Grape Ape Trust” is a modest collection of lunch boxes and comic books in the home of one Denver Booshanks in Conroy.

13

The National Bar Association” was founded in Des Moines in August 1925, protecting bars everywhere from lawsuits regarding those nasty pickled eggs they keep in the big jar on the bar.

Doreen Wilber

14

Doreen Wilber was the first ever Iowa woman to win an Olympic Gold medal, in archery. She successfully speared a corn dog from 50 meters.

15

Iowa’s oldest continually running theater is the Story Theater/Grand Opera House in Story City. Unfortunately, the only movie it runs is Fire Maidens from Outer Space from 1956.

16

Iowa is the only state that has a state abbreviation that consists of two vowels (IA), unless you include a Mississippian’s  pronunciation of  “MS” (Em Ay-yes), which has three.

17

Iowa is the only state whose eastern and western borders are formed entirely by rivers, making it basically half an island, but without the beaches, sand, palm trees, and above-zero weather.

18

Burlington’s “Snake Alley” was once named the crookedest street in the world by Ripley’s Believe It or Not, just ahead of [WARNING: POLITICAL JOKE] Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, DC.

19

Iowa’s 5 area codes are 319, 515, 563, 641 and 712, which when added together, total 2,750. Amazingly, this is also the number of political robocalls an Iowan receives every day during campaign seasons.

Fort Madison

20

Iowa’s first space craft was the “Fort Madison“, shown here in an early blueprint. Due to its somewhat fanciful design, it was never flown, but, when laid flat, it became a surprisingly useful layout for the first fort in Iowa, built in 1808.

So now you know all you need to know to know what you didn’t about Iowa (until now). It’s a friendly state, so visit sometime, unless you’re running for national office, in which case, don’t be surprised if we put you on a stick.