All About Mozart (Part 1: Gettin’ Wiggy Widdit)
Dubious knowledge about music from the Classical era, when men were men, except when they wore wigs.

Dan Van Oss Biographies, Complete Columns, Musicians, Authors & Artists Leave a Comment

[feature_headline type=”left” level=”h6″ looks_like=”h6″ icon=”asterisk”]PART ONE OF A SERIES (SEE PART TWO)[/feature_headline] Most kids these days don’t understand what good music is, what with their “Rock and Roll” and loud hot rods and flouncy poodle skirts – HEY YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN! Anyway, let us see if we can enlighten all generations with some dubious knowledge about music …

All About Beethoven: Part IV (The Part We Spell With an “I” and a “V”)
Our final installment about the Big B.

Dan Van Oss Biographies, Complete Columns, History, Musicians, Authors & Artists Leave a Comment

PART FOUR OF A SERIES (SEE PART THREE) As Beethoven neared the end of his life, he was universally recognized as a master, even on Mars, because we said universally. Now moving into his “late period”, he began work on two of his most ambitious pieces, the Missa Solemnis (“A Big Mess”) and the 9th Symphony (“The One From the ‘Die Hard’ Soundtrack”). The …

All About Beethoven: Part III (Possibly The Last Part, Unless We Come Up With More Jokes)
More funny stuff about the life of Beethoven.

Dan Van Oss Biographies, Complete Columns, History, Musicians, Authors & Artists Leave a Comment

PART THREE OF A SERIES (SEE PART TWO) A common myth is that Beethoven was deaf when he starred in that movie where he was the dog, but in reality, he was just tired of being asked for his autograph over and over and wanted a little peace and quiet, so he would just say “eh?” with one of those ear …

All About Beethoven: Part II: The Next Part (After Part One)
More fun facts about the world's most scowly composer.

Dan Van Oss Biographies, Complete Columns, History, Musicians, Authors & Artists Leave a Comment

PART TWO OF A SERIES (SEE PART ONE) Having left Bonn for Vienna, Beethoven began to realize that Vienna really didn’t make those little sausages. Despite this setback, he was more determined than ever to continue his musical studies, and so began to study violin under Ignaz Schuppanzigh (Gesundheit!), counterpoint with Johann Albrechtsberger (Gesundheit!) and Italian vocal style with Antonin Salieri, …

All About Beethoven: Part I (The Part Where He Is Born And Has To Be A Teenager For A While)
All about Schroeder's favorite composer, and then some.

Dan Van Oss Biographies, Complete Columns, History, Musicians, Authors & Artists Leave a Comment

PART ONE OF A SERIES (SEE PART TWO) Most kids these days think Mozart is the name of Katy Perry’s chinchilla and Beethoven is that dog in the movie their parents showed them when they were kids to keep them quiet in the van after drinking too many Slurpees at the Qwikee Stop after soccer practice. Ha ha! Crazy kids! Little do they …

Hairless Chick Magnets
It's never too late to really stink at learning to play guitar.

Dan Van Oss Complete Columns, Musicians, Authors & Artists Leave a Comment

Have you ever wanted to play the guitar, but thought, “No, man, all I want to do is ride my bike and not be hassled by The Man!”? If so, you were probably in the movie Easy Rider, which, of course, has nothing to do with our informative article on “You Can Still Learn To Play Guitar (Not Necessarily Just …