All About Bach: Part 1 (Attack of the Germanes)
Our dubiously-researched look at the greatest composer ever named Johann. (Sorry, Strauss.)

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When you think of the name Bach, you probably think of that hard candy your grandma kept in the dish by the breadbox that you couldn’t have until after dinner, but that’s called Brach’s, which of course isn’t germane to our story. But, speaking of Germanes, did you know that the Jackson Five never recorded a single Bach song? And that …

All About Mozart (Part 3: Figaro Has A Giant Schnoz)
Also, find out how many wigs 800 florins can buy.

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PART THREE OF A SERIES (SEE PART TWO) 1785 saw the beginning of one of Mozart’s more prolific periods. During this time he composed the one act opera Der Schauspieldirektor, a tribute to director Steven Spielberg, after which came a string of his most famous operatic works, including Le nozze di Figaro (“Figaro Has A Giant Schnoz”), and Don Giovanni, based on the life …

All About Mozart (Part 2: Romance Blossoms under the Potato Flake Plant)
Part two of our fact-dubious look at the greatest composer ever to be named Mozart.

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PART TWO OF A SERIES (SEE PART ONE) After returning to Austria in 1773, Mozart was hired as a court musician by the ruler of Salzburg, Prince-Archbishop Hieronymus Colloredo, so named because his parents apparently lost a bet. While most of his peers were having to take jobs working for wig telemarketers, Mozart was able to make a living as a musician and …

All About Mozart (Part 1: Gettin’ Wiggy Widdit)
Dubious knowledge about music from the Classical era, when men were men, except when they wore wigs.

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Most kids these days don’t understand what good music is, what with their “Rock and Roll” and loud hot rods and flouncy poodle skirts – HEY YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN! Anyway, let us see if we can enlighten all generations with some dubious knowledge about music from the Classical era, when men were men, except when they wore …

All About Beethoven: Part IV (The Part We Spell With an “I” and a “V”)
Our final installment about the Big B.

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PART FOUR OF A SERIES (SEE PART THREE) As Beethoven neared the end of his life, he was universally recognized as a master, even on Mars, because we said universally. Now moving into his “late period”, he began work on two of his most ambitious pieces, the Missa Solemnis (“A Big Mess”) and the 9th Symphony (“The One From the ‘Die Hard’ Soundtrack”). The …

All About Beethoven: Part III (Possibly The Last Part, Unless We Come Up With More Jokes)
More funny stuff about the life of Beethoven.

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PART THREE OF A SERIES (SEE PART TWO) A common myth is that Beethoven was deaf when he starred in that movie where he was the dog, but in reality, he was just tired of being asked for his autograph over and over and wanted a little peace and quiet, so he would just say “eh?” with one of those ear …